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My Heart Is a Home and I've Just Received the Eviction Notice

by themme fatale

/
1.
Can't get this idea Out of my head That I'm only worth the caution that you throw to the wind for me If I scratch my name Onto your back at least someone will know I've been here Oh, I'm here Writhing face down on the mattress Hair pulled in your white-knuckled fist Oh, do you want me now? Want me now? Want me now? Let the neighbors hear what I like Just tell me that you're mine, all mine Am I someone now? Someone now? Someone now? How will I know If I'm enough If I'm not being used up? Keep the lights on I still need my lines A dream you'll wake from by morning Hold me and close the blinds Why was I born a defective model? Not the kind of girl you can just cuddle If I arch my back and bat my lashes Maybe you can look past the buffs and scratches I'll melt down my bolts and my plastic Just mold me and hold me, I'm asking You to stay here Stay with me Please don't leave Just give me a job and I'll do it I promise I'm someone, I'll prove it Am I someone now? Someone now? Someone now? How will I know If I'm enough When I'm not being used up? Keep the lights on I still need my lines A dream you'll wake from by morning Love me and close the blinds
2.
Numismatics 01:52
Did you know that coin collecting is called numismatics? I found a binder in my closet, didn't know I'd had it There's a quarter for every state I hadn't even filled eight The world already feels big enough for me I checked the quarters that you used to do our scratch offs We got all duds, but I felt luckiest with you If I had a coin for every place that I'd loved you I'd have a binder full of everywhere I've been I could be buried with those slots still unfilled It wouldn't matter if I saw every rolling hill If I couldn't glimpse at your profile out the side of my eye I'd rather never, ever, ever see again Scattered shavings dust the table as you focus Scratching as I smile, the smell of your skin If I had a coin for every place that I loved you I'd have a binder full of everywhere I've been If I had a coin for every place that I loved you I'd have a binder full of everywhere I've been
3.
I Choose You 02:28
You treat me so sweet Even when I've got my feet On either side of the door You're there just like before My mind won't stop Making atom bombs drop So guilty for thinking the way that I do When I'm tangled up with you And I try to stay through the pain Uncertainty keeps me hostage I chipped at love until I lost it And I hate Acting this way Giving you all of the burden I promise I'm trying, I'm hurting Love's not just something you feel It's something you do And I choose you Every day Even when I Feel like running away And I choose you Every time Even when it Seems like I'm losing my mind I choose you
4.
I'm not superstitious But there's someone always looming It tangles me up like ivy Strangles the passion that is blooming I'm haunted by the ghosts The ghosts of all the girls who had to Get on their tippy toes to kiss you And I'm haunted by the ghosts The ghosts of all the girls to who you Meant it when you told them "I love you" I'm scared that one day You'll find a pocket-sized princess With a heart of gold, Less baggage and less body to hold Took some girl pills and I thought I was above it I looked at my body And I thought that I could love it I know it's stupid Because I'd trust you with a knife to my neck And a girl in your bed but Seeing you look down at her just fucks with my head Because one day you'll leave For a girl who'll give you everything I can't Maybe one day I'll see that you'll stay Not just despite but as a plan Meek obsequious transsexual Pretending that she's healed With a stepping stone body At the center of a minefield I'll let you in to see just how hard I can push you out Can't love you like you deserve to be Can't love you like you deserve to be I'm haunted by the ghosts The ghosts of all the girls who had to Get on their tippy toes to kiss you And I'm haunted by the ghosts The ghosts of all the girls to who you Meant it when you told them "I love you" And I'm scared And I'm scared
5.
How do I how do I how do I Have all my dreams come true before I even wake up? (Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up) And when I do how is it that I see The girl that never was standing in front of me It all just feels so perfect Perfect Perfect (So perfect) To me I know that I deserve it Deserve it Deserve (Deserve it) To be The girl I see The girl I see The girl I see in front of me I love the girl in front of me I love the girl
6.
I don't know what kind of love I'm in But I wanna be in it with you I don't know what kind of love I'm in But I wanna be in it with you Let's go! Is there magic In the air a spark or flame? When you kiss me why do I still remember my name? Heart in my hands, it'll drop and you'll break At least the knife inside my back Helps me sit up straight Do I really want you Or just want you to share the blade? I'm so selfish, should I stay? I don't know what kind of love I'm in But I wanna be in it with you I don't know what kind of love I'm in But I wanna be in it with you Some days I'd ask you to stay forever if you conceded me one more night Some nights I sweat and toss and turn and wonder if it'll ever feel right I don't know if this is love I'm in But I wanna be in it with you I don't know what kind of love I'm in But I hope that I'm in it with you In it with you I don't know if this is love But I wanna be in it with you

about

some demos from the vault that i finished up at least
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rocd girlies rise up

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released October 6, 2023

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themme fatale New York, New York

im at the combination gender dysphoria and existential crisis, you want something?
-
she/they

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